I’m sitting here after a one-hour nap, slurping on some peach roiboos tea, feeling lonely and grumpy. What a way to start a blog post. Honestly, this week just really hasn’t been my best. I feel like this month actually hasn’t been my best. A week ago yesterday, I had that big graded lesson test thingy that I wrote about a few times, and since then, I have been struggling to get back to “normal” energy levels big time. And I am realizing why that might be.
We always talk about how you have to “listen to your body” and accept it, but I am somebody that just doesn’t do well with that when it comes to energy. I like having energy, I like using it, I like totally throwing my energy at something and excelling at it. I love the feeling of having achieved something because I gave it 110%.
The huge problem with that is, the part that I really don’t like, is afterwards you end up feeling empty, low on energy and full-on tired. Exhausted. Worn out. I hate feeling worn out. And for a month, that’s all I have been feeling. The thing is that I’m not even exaggerating. I am just tired ALL THE TIME. It doesn’t even seem to matter when I go to sleep, how long I sleep, if I take a nap or not. The feeling of being tired just doesn’t want to go away.
And it’s making me really crabby, pessimistic, unsatisfied with life.
Now, instead of doing what probably seems logical and give myself a break, I have been doing the complete opposite. I am not accepting that my body is telling me “No.”. I am fighting it, and that fight is taking even more energy. I’m actually at a point where I feel like all I’m doing is fighting…fighting to get my lessons prepared way ahead of time so that I have the weekends off for my loved ones, fighting to lose some weight, fighting to eat perfectly because my allergies have been giving me one heck of a time lately (hmmm, I wonder why that is!?), fighting to keep up my sports activity…and realizing daily that I can’t.
I actually came home on two days this week and theoretically had a lot of time to spend on doing whatever I liked. I didn’t know what I would like to do, though. Well, that’s not true. All I wanted to do was lay on the couch and sleep and go to bed and sleep some more. Relax. Let go. That’s all I want. Instead, I felt incredibly guilty and refused to accept that that’s what I was craving the most – down time, me time – and as a result fought myself until I was preparing yet another lesson and crying while doing so. Where the logic is in that – I have no idea. But I know this ain’t working (and I’ve receded to using some Black American Lingo now because it’ll take the incredibly serious turn this blog post has had since the beginning into a lighter direction, I hope).
The bottom line is: Listening to your body when all it’s telling you is that it wants to relax is incredibly hard in a society and an environment that is working their a** off constantly. Letting go is harder for me than gripping everything tightly and leaving nothing to chance. Control is what gives me security in all aspects of life, and my body is really mad at me for it.
Listening to what I need. And actually doing it. That’s my goal for this weekend, for this coming week. Allowing myself to be “weak” and not work out if I can’t because I’m tired. Perhaps then I’ll get back to feeling less tired. Allowing myself to take a break and not feeling guilty about it. Allowing myself comfort food and not bashing myself for it. Allowing myself to just be – to let go.
One reason why it hasn’t been particularly easy to motivate myself to work out is because I have been feeling cold all week. Which is strange, because it wasn’t even that cold out throughout the day…but that’s yet another sign that something is not working out in my body, I guess. Before I start on that again, though, let me show you how I fought feeling cold in the morning:
This has been my go-to breakfast all week, for several reasons. First of all, it’s very easy to make in a larger batch, so you can totally make it ahead of time. Secondly, it’s super yummy and creamy and warm and sweet and still has a lovely crunch to it, satisfying every inch of your taste buds big time. Thirdly, there’s banana in it. And I love bananas almost as much as coconut flavor.
Whether or not you add a dollop of sheep yogurt / soy yogurt and honey / maple syrup is completely up to you. It tastes swell with some oatmilk poured on top, and you can enjoy it warm or cold! There’s really something about the combination of banana, raisins and walnuts people…something good.
Banana Raisin Walnut Oatmeal
- 1 cup oats
- 1 ripe, sliced banana
- 1/4 cup chopped walnuts
- 1/4 cup raisins
- 1 tsp. cinnamon
- 1 1/2 cups water
- Add all the ingredients to a pot and heat up, stirring frequently.
- Once the oatmeal is thick, turn down the heat and stir some more. Leave it on the stovetop for about 5 minutes.
- Add more water if it’s too thick for your liking.
- Serve with some oatmilk poured on top or with a dollop of yogurt.
- Sweeten with honey or maple syrup.
What I really like about this oatmeal is that because it is made with water, it becomes very sticky and not as creamy. If you leave it in the fridge, it firms up even more, and it feels like cookie dough when you eat it. The texture is amazing! If you prefer a creamier oatmeal, simply use oatmilk to make it instead (or soy milk or whatever).
This serves two portions, but I guess if you’ve worked out beforehand you might be able to finish the whole thing. I like adding another freshly sliced banana to half of the oatmeal and add some yogurt to make it a bit more versatile. And the honey on top is a must in my book!
Since this post is already insanely long, I won’t repeat myself by saying how amazing this oatmeal is. I think you just have to try it and find out for yourself.